How to Keep My Husband Locked Out of the House

My husband has a head for numbers. Golf scores. Football scores. Route numbers. Banking. Anything but our kids’ and grandkids’ birthdays, though he does have a ballpark idea of those. When your family grows, it gets harder to keep track. Combine that with getting older, and it’s much harder to keep track. But he has me, and so far, so good with me remembering the important dates. (Full disclosure, I keep them written down as a failsafe. Don’t tell Bob.)

Remembering these dates is important in order to celebrate with our family and show them some birthday love, but it’s also important to gain access to our house. We have combination lock entries, and I love them because we can tell our code to people who need to get in if we aren’t home, and we also don’t have to carry a key. I hate them because sometimes the batteries die, and we have no idea where the “key” is in case that happens. Of course, it only happens when we are trying to get back in the house – never when we’re leaving. But since we have multiple entries with combinations, we have not been locked out yet. Or I should say I have never been locked out.

Bob told me I could pick out the combinations as he knows numbers vex me. Figuring out a code for our entry keypads was almost as bad as having to come up with a gazillion other passwords to keep our banking, Facebook account, streaming services, Amazon account, different doctors, hospital, funeral home, and on and on ad nauseam. Therefore, I came up with a plan that I would never forget because of the way I think. As it turns out, that also means that Bob will never remember because of the way he thinks.

Without giving you access to our home, my thinking went something like this. Start with my age when Bob and I started dating and find the square root of that number – round up. That’s the first digit.

For digit number two, start with the number of times our daughter texted me that week and subtract the total number of times that our sons texted me. Divide that by four and round up.

For the third digit, I measured the hypotenuse of the smallest triangle that hangs over Bob’s workbench. Easy.

The fourth digit was tough, so I used the combined age of Bob and me when we were married and then subtracted that from our current ages. I used the first digit of that number just to keep it simple.

Seriously, I don’t even understand half of what I just wrote. I had to look up the word hypotenuse! But, I did use information about our family as the keys to our code, and I filled Bob in on these magical numbers that my amazing mind came up with. The end result: Bob was locked out one time too many, so he created a separate code just for him. These keypads take more than one code! That’s a marriage saver!

P.S A big announcement is coming soon!

Election Form Formalities

I’m writing this from my dining room table, not the Seminole County Jail. Since returning home from Alaska last week, I’ve been catching up on everything – laundry, sleep, correspondence, sleep, grocery shopping, sleep, and one bit of business that my mom, who lives with us, saved for me to do for her.

While we were away, Seminole County Supervisor of Elections had postcards delivered to verify our street addresses and signatures. Mom’s was a little different because she likes to vote by mail. She signed the card verifying the address and I sent it off for her. It was also time to re-up her request for a mail-in ballot. I tried to do it online, but encountered a glitch (truth be told, I put in my dad’s last four instead of hers) and couldn’t complete the form. They are very picky about getting the facts straight, and I’m glad.

I got my numbers straight, but still the site wasn’t cooperating, so I went old-fashioned and used the phone. Mom prefers for me to make her appointments and handle things like this for her as she does not have a smart phone, and those flip phones are exhausting to operate. Usually, I just say I’m her and take care of business. It’s easier and she doesn’t care. Her dermatologist doesn’t care; Walgreens doesn’t care; her hairdresser doesn’t care. But apparently the Seminole County Supervisor of Elections Office cares.

When their office answered my call with “who am I speaking with,” I gave my mother’s name. I tried not to sound too peppy because Mom is 97. I answered all their questions just fine until they stumped me and I needed Mom’s help. As I was walking into Mom’s room, the conversation went like this:

Me – “I’m sorry. I’m lying to you. This isn’t really Pauline, it’s her daughter. Mom can’t handle the prompts of press this number or that because she has a flip phone. I’ve just walked into where she is. Mom, please state your name.”

We were met with silence, obviously hung up on. You know how when you accidentally give someone misinformation and then you realize it and say, “Oops, I’m lying,” and set it straight? Perhaps one shouldn’t do that when dealing with anything to do with a political election.

I tried their website again, but it continued to glitch, so I had no recourse but to call, this time with Mom by my side and we set the record straight. I even told the woman who answered this call what had happened, and she seemed understanding. Perhaps she cares for a nonagenarian like I do. Either way, Mom is all set up to vote by mail in the next general election.

As the day went on, I thought better of impersonating my mom by phone when dealing with government agencies. Those thoughts rang loud and clear when a knock came on our front door mid-afternoon. We weren’t expecting anyone, and we’re in the back of our neighborhood, so we don’t get many drop-ins. So naturally I thought, it could be someone from the Supervisor of Elections coming to take me in. Thankfully, it was a friend bringing flowers to my mom. I’ll keep her in mind in case I need a character reference down the road.

Apple Derails Local Train

Our youngest grandsons came for a visit, and I was prepared, except for the part where I wasn’t. I pulled out a few of our saved toys and placed the Brio train set where there was plenty of room for them to spread out and build a train village. And then it happened. Felix, our ten-year-old, wasn’t interested at all, but Oliver, who is six, sat right down and started creating. He put several tracks together and glided the trains around them. It took me back to earlier days when I’d watched his dad play with those very tracks. It was sweet, and after about fifteen minutes, it was over. I didn’t even get a picture!

When I say over, I mean the beloved train set which my children and older grandchildren had spent hours of enjoyment playing with, no longer was needed in our home. It was the end of the line. Our grands are so used to playing games on phones that these old relics didn’t cut it anymore. I began to notice the transition several years ago with our now 13-year-old granddaughter Layna. The five grands before her were more used to floor play and actual toys, but when they started to use video/computer games more, her interest in traditional toys waned as well. Felix and Oliver followed suit. That is the state of things. I shudder to think of creativity lost, plus the art of bartering for the favorite train. These were foundational play opportunities.

Hello? Is anybody there or are you already on your phone? I’m as guilty as anyone when it comes to time on the stupid cell phone. But I didn’t see this coming, which happens more often when your grandkids don’t live near you. You lose track of what they’re into at any given time. But for me, this was not only the end of the line – it was the end of an era.

Perhaps I could have prolonged the termination of our train set if I could have gotten down on the floor and played with Oliver. That is what I typically would have done, but my current knee issues have already derailed anything that requires floor time. Since my recent knee surgery, I didn’t think it wise to put my caboose on the floor and play lest I needed an engine (or in my case an engineer) to help me back up.

At the end of the visit, the train was up for grabs. I always thought I’d give it to the youngest grandkids, but they are not interested, and I am okay with that. That train has left the station, albeit all too soon for this grandmother. But, with only one text, it has been rescued from the certain uncertainty of Good Will by my daughter-in-law Dacia who is only too happy to keep it on hand for when her boys have boys and girls of their own. Success!

These boys are in their late teens now, but I love this picture of them.

I sat on the couch with Felix and watched him play some kind of card game on his phone. He wanted to teach me, but my meager capacity to keep all those numbers and cards straight was more than I wanted to admit to him. I told him I’d learn it by watching him; he could teach me that way. It didn’t take. Now I knew how Oliver felt after fifteen minutes of the trains. It was enough. I’m beaten on both fronts.

It’s a good thing we have a pool. The boys don’t have easy access to one from their North Carolina home, so it makes up for a lot. I did play Marco Polo with them, though I don’t move as fast as I’d like. They didn’t care. We had great fun.

Any time with our kids and grandkids is special and I’ll play whatever they want me to play, except for Felix’s crazy card game or Clue. I do have limits. If I’ve never mentioned it before, my brain doesn’t work during the game of Clue. My kids took us to an escape room and my brain melted down like I was captive in that board game, trying to keep a good attitude when everyone was writing stuff on their stupid little clue sheets and I was making a grocery list on mine. Maybe that is why I never won.

Our now-thirteen-year old Layna.

A Flare for the Dramatic

I don’t like to come off as overly dramatic, but Bob does. I also don’t typically like to throw my husband under the bus, but if I did, he would insist it was a greyhound and not a school bus. It makes for a better story.

We’ve been together almost forever, but I can still remember the first time we went to the beach and I saw a big scar on his chest. He explained it was from a knife fight. That was hard to believe, but Bob assured me that the kid up the street from them made it a point to try to beat him up as many days a week as he could. Thankfully, Bob was quick – speed can really be a help to little guys like Bob who were on the skinny side as a kid. I was horrified that he would have to grow up defending himself to the neighborhood bully, especially one that wielded a knife. Bob took it in stride. I was reminded of a definition of comedy – tragedy plus time equals humor, but this wasn’t funny.

I’m not sure if it was one of his sisters or his mom who gave more insight into this scar years later, but the truth came out that the alleged knife wound came from going over the handlebars on his bike. The handlebars were missing their hand grips so that rough metal pipe sliced his chest open.

I will barely mention the scar on his hand that resulted from another knife fight. This one was with a pumpkin that he was carving for Halloween, but it was another story worth embellishing. Pumpkins can be aggressive.

Flash forward about 50 years and I hear Bob telling the story of someone with whom he had an encounter. It was a rough day because the other man had actually slit Bob’s throat. He pointed to the scar while the wide-eyed listener must have been wondering who would do that to a senior citizen. The answer was a surgeon during a disk fusion.

This all adds up to why Bob is fine with going to the doctor, though he’s not as fanatical about it as his father was. Those visits can yield good stories, and that is the sort of fodder that people of a certain age need to relate with their peer group and confuse their grandchildren.

Bob making a big splash for our grandsons.

Speaking of his father – Bob will never catch up with that man when it comes to wanting to go to the doctor. When Dale was ninety, we were returning from a dermatology appointment. (I took him to his appointments back then because he lived in an assisted living facility and Bob was still working.) He told me that he believed it was time for his colonoscopy.

I looked at this blind man who also had mobility issues and said, “Dad, I don’t think you could handle the prep.”

As he began to lodge a protest, I added, “You know, something’s got to kill you. You’re not getting a colonoscopy.” He gave in on that one, but only because he couldn’t make his own appointments.

I think about caring for our parents and hope it will help me when I’m in their shoes. Bob’s mother died suddenly in her mid-eighties. As for the other three of our parents – two out of three did not always make it easy on us as their care-givers. They weren’t too bad, and I know they were grateful, but it was hard for them to receive help and, therefore, challenging for us to give it. We want to learn from that. Aging is hard – very hard. Let’s try to do it gracefully like one out of every three parents. (Thanks, Mom!)

Mom’s 97th birthday last March.

My, My, My, May

May has been a mixed bag. Bob took me for a get-away in Jamaica at the start of the month – just a few days to ourselves. What we didn’t count on when the trip was booked (and rebooked twice because of conflicts) was twofold. One, my mother, who lives with us, had contracted shingles a week before we left. She was put on antivirals, and my sister was here, so I only had minor guilt about leaving her. Two, my knees have had their own agenda this year. That agenda includes giving out on me at times and other times just being so painful that I don’t want to walk.

But we pressed on with our non-refundable trip, and in hindsight I’m glad we did. Time alone together is a premium. Bob booked wheelchairs for me at every airport leg with the hope that my walking strength would be conserved for leisurely walks on the beach. Being pushed around an airport in a wheelchair was a new experience. I didn’t like it at first, but now I think it’s the way to go – especially in the Miami airport because that place is a maze.

We arrived at our lovely resort and right away realized – Jamaica, we have a problem. The room chosen for us was on the second floor with no elevator access. That was fairly easily remedied to a first-floor unit. While I was unpacking, Bob went to check on something in the lobby and when he left, our doorknob fell off. I immediately ceased unpacking. A young man came and fixed it. He assured us that it was fine, so we put our suits on and headed to the pool. Thankfully, we felt like we should check to make sure it worked with our key, because it did not.

House arrest in Jamaica: This time they sent two men to fix the doorknob. One of them was armed with a computer and used YouTube as his tutor. We didn’t feel comfortable leaving all our things in the room while the door was propped open and these guys went in and out, so we waited.  After an hour, we requested another room, and amazingly they were able to accommodate us on the second floor near an elevator. A mere three hours later, we were set to begin our vacation.

I was not in a great frame of mind for this trip. Mom was home with shingles and three days after we returned home, I had arthroscopic knee surgery scheduled to fix my badly torn meniscus. But I hobbled along bravely sitting by the pool and having drinks brought to me. I’d hardly call it suffering! We even tried to swim in Montego Bay, but the sand was hard on my knees, so we only took a token dip in the turquoise blue water. Four days of sun and relaxing, and the best part was I did not have to plan or prepare any meals. Score!

On Wednesday afternoon, two days after returning home, my mom had an incident, probably a TIA, and she had to go to the ER. It was scary, but she pulled through, though she continues to deal with shingles. We were thankful she didn’t need to be admitted, plus the doctor said her shingles were resolving and she wasn’t contagious. That was nice to hear.

My surgery went well – so they tell me. I went home with a bandaged leg and used crutches the next two days until I could uncover the wounds – three little places each requiring two stitches. You wouldn’t think it would be that big a deal and it truly wasn’t. It was just more than I thought it would be hobbling around on my other knee (which isn’t great). Plus, that left Bob and my sister to tend to Mom, who was still weak from shingles and the supposed TIA. I don’t like being sidelined, but sometimes it’s good for me.

One of the weirdest challenges post-surgery was removing the permanent marker tattoo, as they called it, from my leg. It took six of us to figure out that it said left, indicating the left leg was the one they were working on. My friend Maria suggested I get it off with Windex, My Big Fat Greek wedding style. Contrary to pop-culture movie advice, that didn’t work.

I think my brain hurt more than my leg did. Okay, maybe it was a tie for the first several days, but it’s been two weeks and I’m coming out of it. I can even sit at the table and bend my knee comfortably enough to type. Yay!

I have many friends going through lots of physical ailments right now, and this reminds me to pray for them and helps me to keep my stuff in right perspective. I’m thankful for the surgery, but I’m not quite ready to do the other knee yet. Maybe in the fall. I should say – maybe in the autumn. I don’t like to use the word fall.

89th Masters at Augusta National

It doesn’t get more southern than Augusta, Georgia, in the Spring. Everything is blooming, especially the azaleas; but we didn’t go there to take in the beauty of the blooms. We went for the Masters.

Last Christmas, our son Jesse surprised us with this opportunity. He had secured a pair of tickets to this coveted event. Jesse planned out the four-day tournament, which six of us would attend in daily shifts. Sunday was Bob’s and my day. I honestly felt like I was taking somebody’s spot as I don’t play golf and only watch when Bob’s watching and I happen to walk into the room when it sounds like somebody made an amazing shot or Bob pauses it because I just have to see this!

Nevertheless, Jesse wanted me to go with his dad, and I’m glad I did. This is tradition at its finest, and I love traditions. It was such fun to accompany Bob as he took in the course and watched his favorite golfers do their thing.

Getting into the event was an event in itself. We arrived mid-morning as the leaders wouldn’t tee off until after lunch. Since I am currently experiencing knee issues, we sought a handicap parking spot, but they were all full. I guess handicaps at the Augusta National are not a thing. So, we walked in, me with cane in hand in case my knee wanted to do its thing. Having that cane saved us about a ten-minute portion of the walk, as it was advertising that a ride would be lovely. We hopped on a waiting golf cart to shorten our walk.

This gave us a brief time to rest before we got to the course itself. It took about twenty minutes to get inside the gate, including the obligatory search of the bags to ensure we didn’t bring in any contraband. Contraband would include cell phones or cameras. They are strictly verboten. We knew that going in, so it was not an issue, but I wondered what life would be like without a phone all day long. Would it really count that we were at the Masters if we didn’t capture it on camera and post it on social media? Yes. It counts.

First order of business was to get in the switchback line to go into the golf store. This was another twenty minute wait, but I was happy to do it because you gotta have swag. It really wasn’t swag in the truest sense of the word though, because we all didn’t get some things. They sell out and nothing is free, of course. The big deal of the day was the Masters gnome. They stock the tournament gift shop with these fresh each morning, but when they’re gone, they are gone. These sell for about $50, but you can pick one up today on Ebay for upwards of $400.

Jesse was able to secure a gnome one morning, but on our day Bob and I were not willing to get up earlier than necessary to get a gnome that we’d have to carry back to the car because it’s too big to lug around the course. We were concerned that my knee would decide it was finished before Bob was finished, so I opted out of trying to get a gnome. Yes, I opted out. It was a rare moment of common sense winning the battle to get a collectible to display in our garden or sell on Ebay. Who am I kidding? I’d never sell it.

By the time we entered the gift shop, there was talk that gnomes might be found in the back corner, but alas, that was a rumor. The upside – we didn’t have to trek back to the car. And when I say we, you know I mean Bob. We did purchase can cozies (a collectible that is manageable and lightweight), ball markers, mugs, and hats. I think it is required to spend a minimum amount of money at the shop. I’m sure the Masters folks work that into their budget. They’d have to because the food is so cheap.

Everything is permanent at Augusta National. That includes the grandstands, scoreboards, concession stands, bathrooms, and phone banks. Everything. And you cannot see any of these things from the actual course. There’s nothing to distract the golfers. Plus, nobody is asking them for a selfie along their way. People are watching the tournament through their eyes not their camera lens. It is so well thought-out.

Bob and I placed our official Masters chairs along the fairway of the 13th hole, also known as the Azalea hole. It is aptly named as I’ve never seen such a beautiful display. I plopped down for a rest while Bob explored the course. This is another brilliant thing about the Masters. They sell camp chairs emblazoned with their emblem. (We didn’t have to buy chairs, because Jesse had already done that.) When you want to get up and wander, you just leave your chair (make sure you mark it as yours) and go sit in someone else’s chair. Of course, there are grandstands, but all the holes are lined with green camp chairs, so seating is easily accessible, at least during the first half of the day. If the original owner returns, you get up and move along. At the end of the day, you take your chair home with you. The Masters encourages you to purchase a chair, set it up, and take it down, all for the low price of $35. They actually get the patrons (not fans or customers) to pay up and do the labor. That’s brilliant.

Bob returned from touring the course and we set out to get some food. The concessions and restrooms were in the same area. I should add that this was the first time I had seen lines to the men’s room triple the lines to the ladies’ room. Retribution! 

The phone banks were interesting. I think most people were using them so they could call someone and have Augusta National show up on the caller ID. I didn’t think of that, but then again, I only know two phone numbers and Bob’s is one of them.

Lunchtime was simple – egg salad and pimento cheese sandwiches with Georgia peach ice cream sandwiches for dessert. These are the must-haves if you want to immerse yourself in everything Augusta National, and they’re cheap. While I don’t really understand the appeal of a pimento cheese sandwich, I did try it and found it to be worth every penny of the $1.50 we spent. I did a little research and discovered that the pimento cheese sandwich debuted in 1947, and it cost a quarter. That is the humble beginning of this Augusta National craze. I prefer the egg salad, which is also a bargain at a buck fifty. The peach ice cream sandwich, that’s a tradition I can get behind.

This is Part 1 of 2. Part 2 will offer a look at the people we met during the tournament.

The Little White Car of My Dreams

My favorite book series that I have ever read is The No. One Ladies’ Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith. This charming series features a traditionally built lady who lives in Botswana. She is ready to begin life over and starts a detective agency. Mma Ramotswe has no credentials for being a detective, but she is wise and kind and helpful. Those three qualities along with her hiring of a quirky woman who boasts 97 percent on her graduation tests from a secretarial school, are all that is needed for this agency to take root.

From the very first book, the love of these characters and their home in Botswana also took root in me. Mma Ramotswe lives a quiet life, and she is endearing and traditional of all things Botswana. She drives a little white van, which she loves dearly and which her mechanic husband manages to hold together in response to her repeated protests when he suggests she buy a new vehicle. I just finished the 25th book in the series, and that little white van is still going.

I drive a little white car – not a van but an SUV. I remember back in 2014 when Bob suggested that it was time to look for a new car for me. At that time, I drove a 2002 white Ford Explorer. I loved that car because it had a third row, and I had space to corral grandchildren in it. Alas, he talked me into upgrading it to a 2014 Ford Escape.

This car had so many new features. It even would parallel park on its own (pretty much – I had to pull up near the parking spot correctly and man the brake). It also had heated seats, which was a new thing for me that I even took advantage of down here in Florida. The best feature was the ability to remotely start the car so the air conditioning could engage before we opened the door on a hot day and not be knocked over by the heat whooshing out the doors. I loved this car and never looked back on my former Ford.

When Bob and I recently began a conversation about upgrading my car, I was all in. Actually, it was my idea. We have several family members that would love a good used car that’s lived in a garage and was driven by a grandmother. That’s good marketing, but I had my sights on our 19-year-old granddaughter who wants to go back to college. Sometimes God lays out a direction so clearly. I love it when that happens.

I’ll cut through the details here. Ella is now the owner of my sweet ride, and I am driving something that is altogether different from my first car – a 1974 Toyota Celica. If I had thought about this car back then, I could have written sci-fi books. It is that different. My standard-shift Toyota didn’t even have AC as a standard feature. My new Kia Sportage has air-conditioned seats. And that’s not evening mentioning all the cameras around it. It’s like having paparazzi monitoring my every move. Honestly, it’s a little intimidating, but I’ll adjust.

The night before my Escape went to Ella, I was a little anxious and didn’t sleep well. It took me a minute to figure out that I was sad to say goodbye to my faithful Ford. When I finally figured that out, my first thought was – that’s ridiculous. My next thought – but not unexpected.

Goodbye, old friend.

The first night that the car was in Ella’s possession, I dreamt about Ella driving my little white car and hitting a deer. Oh dear! What’s wrong with me? Emotional about a car? As it turns out, yes.

Then I thought about Mma Ramotswe. I know in the future there will be a book written about her having to replace her little white van. When I read that book, I know that I will understand her inner turmoil and the sadness of losing a four-cylinder friend. There will be no judgement from me, and I will shed a tear with her as she sends it off into the sunset.

Burp

The party’s over. We had a good run – one with a lifetime guarantee against chipping, cracking, breaking, or peeling. Tupperware has filed for bankruptcy.*

I wish I could give a 21-bowl burp salute to Earl Tupper, the chemist who in 1946 brought us the polyethylene bowls that would change the way people stored and served food, and the man who taught us to burp the air out of our Tupperware bowls to seal in freshness. Separate honors should go to Brownie Wise, who created the Tupperware home party.

“What is a home party?” the young person asked.

It’s a form of direct sales that took place in the second part of the 20th century which consisted of a dealer (not drug dealer) of particular merchandise who would bring their wares into a home for demonstrations. The dealer would arrive at the home of a hostess (in my four years as a Tupperware dealer I only had one male host a party for me). The hostess would invite friends, neighbors, and workmates. I’d play games with them, have giveaways, demonstrate our products, and sell plastic containers.

When I was a young mom, I attended many different home parties. There were Longaberger baskets, which Bob discouraged me from because they were super pricey. Mary Kay was popular. There was Princess House, which sold crystal. Having a family of four young kids didn’t exactly draw me to those parties, but I was always drawn to Tupperware. It fit my lifestyle.

At one point in the late 1980s, I was trying to figure out how I could augment our family budget without going back to work. I loved being a stay-at-home mom, so when I was at a Tupperware party and the dealer talked to us about possibly doing this ourselves on our own schedule, I was intrigued.

I talked to Bob, and we decided to give it a go. I say “we” because it would require me being gone at night to do maybe two parties a week after he got home from work. We would do a tag-team thing and see how it worked out. Our four kids ranged from one to nine years old.

It was more successful than I could have imagined and suddenly I had more parties than I truly wanted, but we looked at it as God’s provision for helping us knock out our debt. It was work, but it was fun, too. I loved playing games with the guests at the parties so they could win the prized kitchen gadgets. Demonstrating the Tupperware products was second nature as I was constantly in the kitchen at that time of life.

The practical luncheon plates, cereal bowls, and bell tumblers came in four different colors. This was perfect for our family as I assigned each child their own color, thereby making it easy to see who had not cleared their dishes. My daughter was assigned pink, which she hated, but she was the only girl and using a pink plate was her cross to bear. Plus, it made a fun story at parties. I sold a lot of plates.

Me demonstrating a colander at an outdoor party circa 1990.

Tupperware introduced a microwave cooking product line – Tupperwave. I taught microwave cooking classes at some of my parties. The irony of a person who only had a microwave for a year or two and mainly used it to reheat or employ its easy-to-use timer is not lost on me. I learned along the way.

Soon I was approached to manage my own team, which I did not want to do. It required more time away from the family in the way of team meetings. Tupperware franchise owners had goals to meet, so I was granted manager status without having to attend those extra things. I’m sure that didn’t make me popular at the time, but it did afford me the opportunity to qualify for the Tupperware minivan. I was hitting my stride.

My biggest week of sales was over $3000 dollars. That was in the late 1980s. The delivery method started with the dealer going to the dealership and picking up all that Tupperware, which was thrown in large boxes to be sorted. I barely could fit them in my car. Before I could do inventory and pack out individual orders, I came down with the flu and was in bed with a high fever. Poor Bob had to pack all the orders. We were a team.

Late 1980’s me at a national Tupperware convention in Orlando.

As the saying goes, Tupperware has been very good to me. I’ll bet if you look in your cupboard, you’ll find some well-used pieces, too. Most of mine are over thirty years old and still going strong. We particularly loved the gadgets. When I found my Tupperware funnel in the garage being used for oil replacement, I was glad I was a dealer and could replace the coveted item. Bob was glad, too. Now, if I can find out what he did with my one-cup dry measure. I know it’s out there somewhere!

Tupperware freezer mates keep 1:25 lbs. of ground beef frozen. I don’t know what I’d do without these.

Recently I was posting on Nextdoor, and I was contacted by a woman who asked, “Do you remember me? I was one of your dealers while I was in college?” I did remember her. Now she is a grandmother. That was sobering!

We all get older if God allows. We change. We don’t look or function the same way we did decades ago. Sometimes we burp out loud or smell like Listerine and Icy Hot. Sometimes we get icky sticky like a vintage Tupperware bowl. There is no amount of baking soda paste that can get rid of that. If that’s combined with that funky old-Tupperware smell, against which there is no guarantee, it gets chucked into the garbage.

Like me, Tupperware lives on, even if at some point that lifetime guarantee cannot be claimed. (My lifetime guarantee is Jesus, so I’m good.) We still have function even if our fashion has changed. And if we get to smelling funky or feeling sticky, like we’ve been out cleaning debris from a hurricane, we can take a shower and start again the next day.

*This doesn’t mean Tupperware is completely gone. As recently as this week I have contacted them to have a cracked piece replaced. I figure it might not pay to wait. There is also a report of Tupperware potentially being bought.

50 years of Pinochle

At 15 years of age, I was not yet allowed to go on a proper date, but Bob could come to our house and hang out. That was the set-up for double dating with my grandparents, who lived with us at the time.

I had long observed the fun my parents and grandparents had while playing that weird card game with the funny name, pinochle. Not only did the deck consist of 48 rather than the standard 52 cards, but they only spanned from nine to ace, and there were two of each. There was bidding involved, after which they would put down and count their meld (the cards that were shown on the table before taking tricks). Counting meld values was not like anything I had seen before – 2, 6, 21, 28. Not too educational and above my head as a kid. Then they’d pick up the meld, place it back in their playing hand, and start the trick-taking part of the game. Points would be counted and then they’d see if they “made” their bid.

For my parents and grandparents, it was their “thing.” My siblings and I were never allowed to play, but I can remember standing next to my grandfather (the kindest man in the world) and watching. I remember laughter – lots of it. Now and then I heard my feisty grandmother accuse the guys of cheating when she and mom would lose a hand. (The ladies always teamed up against the men.) Sometimes she would get up and walk around her chair to change the outcome of a game if she and my mom were losing. You do what you can!

Mom and Dad never offered to teach me to play, and I get that. It’s a little complicated and this game was a way of relaxing for them. Teaching teenagers a challenging game at the end of a workday would not be relaxing; but when Bob started hanging around our house, my grandparents taught us. This is my best example of how grandparents, having more time on their hands than parents, can be more patient and long-suffering with kids and, frankly, give the poor exhausted parents a little break. We had a blast with them.

Bob was not around his grandparents much when he was a kid, so my grandparents became his. My grandfather loved Bob, and years later when Bob asked me to marry him, he got the blessing of my grandfather who told me that Bob was a good man. When Grandpop’s health began to fade and it was time to pass things along or throw things away, he gave Bob his “office.” This consisted of the desk that Grandpop sat at to pay his bills and do correspondence. It was a cheap old thing but packed with meaning.

In 2014 my daughter, Dena, and I chalk painted the desk and it has new life at her house. With four children, you can always use an extra desk.

My children watched Bob and I play pinochle with my parents their entire childhood. When they started dating seriously, they asked us to teach them. At least I think they asked, Bob and I may have forced it upon them. Playing cards is a great way of spending time getting to know each other. Also, if you can’t hold your own playing a game with us, you really should know that before becoming part of our family. They needed to go into marriage with eyes wide open. I’m not saying we’re competitive, but our friends would.

We play pinochle regularly with three out of four of our children. Perhaps we were too worn out to teach the youngest to play. I do remember offering when he was engaged to be married, but that was a time when all kinds of new-fangled games were coming onto the scene, and somehow, we never pressed it. Thankfully, we have other games to play with them, so the day is saved!

Our daughter’s children have asked if they can learn to play, and she has told them that will come when they have an intended spouse. It’s either a rite of passage for them, or Dena and her husband are waiting for Bob and me to teach them. It’s hard to say.

I’m not sure I’m ready for that because since those days of playing single deck (48 cards) with my parents and teaching our children, we have upped the difficulty by playing double deck – that’s 80 cards. The nines are removed and now there are four of each card jack to ace. You have 20 cards to hold in your hand at the beginning and that’s challenging in itself. The bidding is competitive instead of one bid per person. I confess to loving this game even more than the original, but my hands get tired and it’s challenging to shuffle all those cards, Still – worth it!

My first and only time getting quadruple pinochle back in 2017. That’s my “take that” look as Dena and I collected the 150 points for the quadruple pinochle plus an additional eight for double marriage in trump. If you don’t play the game, you may be getting an idea of how complicated it is.*

Just last week Bob and I were at our son, Jesse’s, house playing with him and his wife. Dacia and I always team up against the men, just like my grandparents and parents did before us. The guys won the first game (we play to 350), but it was relatively quick, so we played another. Dacia and I were losing badly when I got the hand. THE HAND! I could not tell my partner, of course, but I was ready to bid all night.

You may know nothing about pinochle but let me tell you that when I got a double run (150 points) with other meld to boot, we went from the cellar to the ceiling and won the game in style. Take that! Yes, gloating is an important part of this game. It is expected and tolerated, because if it’s not your turn to gloat this time, there’s always the next game. And I mean always.

*We have found variations of scoring in different websites, but as with so many friendly games, we use established house rules. That’s to keep us kind.

My Apologies, Edinburgh

In one fast-paced moment of banter with my grown son, I have lost my opportunity to become the poster child for American Ambassador to Scotland. In the category, I can’t believe those words came out of my mouth, on one fine, Sunday evening in June, I proved to waiting diners on the streets of Edinburgh that Americans are full of themselves.

My fellow Americans, I’m sorry. I did not represent you well.

In my defense, I have been fielding set-ups from my son, Jesse, for most of his 45 years – at least the last 30. So, the fact we were surrounded by strangers in a foreign land didn’t stop my brain, which has been programmed to instruct my mouth to play along with my adult children’s comments, from issuing a quick, snide remark. Evidently, there is no stopping it.

Allow me to set the scene for you. It was the final day of our two-week Scotland trip, which was mostly a golf trip for my husband, son, and two grandsons. Not that my daughter-in-law, Dacia, and I didn’t have a good time. We did, in spite of the fact that I not only contracted food poisoning from the supposed healthiest choice of dinner that I made the entire trip, but also came down with COVID. The latter was unbeknownst to me. I figured I was taking my typically long time to recover from jet lag combined with a head cold. The day I slept until 6 PM should have been a clue, but I think the drizzly, cold Scottish weather literally put a damper on my thinking skills and made it easy to sleep the day away.


When I finally emerged from my room, the kind waitress had the chef make me a scone and tea, which is always good for what ails you.

But I digress. Sorry.

Somehow on that last evening, my husband and I were in the front of our six-person pack of Americans as we walked to our chosen restaurant for dinner. Our grandsons were behind us and Jesse and Dacia a bit behind them. As we approached the restaurant, we could see a gathering of people at the door. We weren’t sure if they were waiting to get in, reading the posted menu, or what; but we were happy we had made a reservation.

Noticing nobody standing at the podium inside the door, Bob and I excused ourselves as we parted the Red Sea of people and opened the door to go inside. That’s when I heard my son’s voice yell out, “Hey, no cuts.”

With no regard to the public place that we inhabited, I answered, “We’re Americans. It’s okay if we cut in lines.”

I whispered to the man closest to us that it was my son back there and we had reservations, but he didn’t appear to hear me. In hindsight, he was probably a wee bit appalled by my wry statement.

Meanwhile, Bob didn’t hear what was going on between Jesse and me as he was already getting us checked in. He turned and hurried me through the door.

This left Jesse in the midst of a group of flabbergasted people fielding comments such as, “Do you think she really meant that?” “Is this a joke?”

At this I think Jesse just shook his head and refused to come to my, or for that matter America’s, rescue. He may have even joined them in their dismay of my retort before he joined us inside. This was likely one of the highlights of our trip for him.

So, if you go to Scotland, particularly Edinburgh, please try to make up for the goodwill damage which I caused in one playful moment with my son. The people of Scotland are some of the friendliest I have ever met, so I think they’ll forgive me. I bet I gave them a good story about a stupid, privileged American though! I know my son enjoyed it.

Victoria Street, Edinburgh