This past year has brought some physical challenges to Bob and me. You might say that our accumulation of birthdays is catching up with us. Bob had neck surgery last year and gets regular shots in his fingers for arthritis. He has various aches and pains that are consistent with a healthy guy in his early seventies.

I get weirder stuff – things that I can barely find the words to describe so that makes it hard to find what doctor to talk to. Everybody is a specialist, but I wish there were a doctor of weirdology. Somebody that you can talk to about those in-between places that have no specialist of their own. I guess that’s the PCP (primary care physician).

I have had some complaints over the last few years, but they were resolved with PT, or I just gave up on figuring them out. But last year when my knees started acting up, it was just a matter of time before I had to find a knee guy – an orthopedic, if you will. I had two meniscus repairs in one knee and the promise of the other knee needing work down the road. I will wait that out as long as possible.

But now I have a new body part acting up. Bob and I went down our list of doctors and realized that we have an eye doctor, a dentist, a chiropractor, a primary care physician, a neck guy, a shoulder guy, a hand guy, a back guy, and a knee guy. We have no hip guy, and it’s time to find one. I thought my knee pain was radiating up, but it seems it’s hip pain radiating down. Sigh. Either way, I’m not walking as straight as I used to.

Facebook got wind of my growing hip pain and is doing its level best to fill my feed with all the hip reliefs they have to offer, but I’m not ready to bite. Fool me once…

It’s clear I could have arthritis, bursitis, tendinopathy, or maybe even rheumatism. It’s most likely an “itis” or an “ism,” and I’m going to have to figure it out. I remember having growing pains as a kid, now it seems there are growing old pains. I expect some of that, but come on!

I have made adjustments in the way I function since my knee surgery back in May. I can’t kneel on my left knee and squatting is a bad idea, but mostly I get along just fine.

Mostly being the operative word. A few nights back I was struggling to sleep so I popped in an earbud and listened to The Big Bang Theory. I used to watch the show if I couldn’t sleep, but since Bob struggles to go to sleep with the TV on and I love to go to sleep with my eyes closed and the TV on, using earbuds and my phone has been revolutionary for our marriage.

Until one morning Bob left early for a meeting, and I dropped my earbud on the bed. I got up, turned the light on and put on my glasses. It was nowhere. I shook the sheet and felt a little plop on my foot, which indicated the earbud bounced off it and went under the bed. Our bed has about an inch of clearance from the frame to the floor, so I slipped my fingers underneath. Nothing. I stood back and shined a flashlight under but could see nothing. The only way to really check was to get on the floor. I haven’t been on the floor since January.

Of course, I could have waited for Bob, but I thought, how hard can it be?

Getting down was tricky but I did it. Unfortunately, it was a waste of time because the earbud had gone under the nightstand, and I could have reached that by bending at the waist. In all fairness to me, the sun wasn’t even up yet, and I was not fully awake, therefore, my decision-making skills were not intact.

So there I was – sitting on the floor wondering how to get up. I can’t kneel on my left knee and my right hip is acting wonky, so I could feel myself getting anxious. It’s not a true emergency. Bob would be home in another two hours. Maybe I could just grab a pillow and sleep on the floor. No, those days are over. I calmed myself and grabbed a pillow, placed my right knee on it with authority and hoisted myself up.

I am glad we don’t have any security cameras in our bedroom as I’m sure that was not pretty, but it worked. I didn’t feel proud of myself for this amazing feat of strength and dexterity – mainly because I was stupid not to wait for Bob, but mission accomplished anyway.

Later, Bob and I were relaxing in the pool – just standing around talking, when he said, “Don’t move.”

I wondered if I had a bee on me, so I froze. Bob came up and flicked a frog off my neck. It’s a wonder I didn’t pass out, but I think I’m getting braver. The last time I had a frog on me in the pool, I nearly pulled my recently operated on knee out of joint trying to get away from it. These frogs are small, but that doesn’t matter to me. I should note that Bob has never had a frog on him while in the pool. It’s a mystery.

That’s what is going on with me. Wondering about misbehaving body parts, making dumb decisions, and avoiding frogs. Oh, and I am working on my inspirational humor fiction book, which should be available before Christmas. Lord willing and the frogs don’t rise.