At Least the Twitching Has Passed

I am at that point in my life when I thought that things for me would be relatively simple.  The kids are all grown.  The pets have all died.  My husband loves his job.  I don’t have to go to work.

But for somebody who has no job or kids to run around, I don’t find myself home alone much.  I attribute that to the fact that I am part of the generation that provides the bridge between our own children and grandchildren and our parents.  Some call us the sandwich generation.  (In my case, it’s a club sandwich.)  One of the things that I do is transport my father-in-law to doctor appointments a few times a month or run errands with him.  I recently took him to a doctor appointment.  It doesn’t sound too complicated – just pick him up from his Assisted Living Facility (ALF) and drive him to the doctor.  Right?  Wrong!  Doctor appointments begin days before the actual date on which they fall.  Let me tell you the excruciating tale of the last appointment.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Dale who loved to go to the doctor.  (It probably had to do with the fact that it got him out of his apartment.)  Dale had an appointment to get an epidural injection for the relief of his back pain. Since he had various health issues that required many medications, this was complicated.  He had to go off of certain meds during the week prior to receiving the shot.  Dale’s appointment was for a Friday.  I was to pick him up at 9:30 that morning.  Let’s back up a few days so you can see what went on leading up to that appointment.

Two weeks earlier I gave notice to his nurse of the appointment, along with the doctor’s requirement of him discontinuing his Coumadin a week prior to the shot.  We have done this a few times before, so no problem.

Wednesday:  I call the ALF to remind them of the appointment on Friday and remind them I will need fresh blood work to take with me at that time (they already have the prescription for it).  Problem – there will be no time to get the blood work done on Friday morning, so Thursday afternoon will have to suffice.  Fine.

Thursday at 5:15 PM – I get a call from Dale’s nurse saying that somehow he received his Coumadin the night before.  She was very apologetic, and I knew it was unusual for a mistake to be made.  I call the pain doctor, but of course, it’s after hours.  I talk with the answering service; she talks with the doctor; twenty minutes later they agree to allow the injection as long as his blood work looks good.  I call the ALF back and report.  Oops, the blood work was not done; but they assure me they will get someone in very early the next day so we will be set.  By now, I’m actually at the facility picking up Dale to go out and celebrate his 90th birthday with the family.  The family showing is on the light side because five of us have the flu, but the healthy ones still have a nice dinner out to celebrate with him.  My favorite quote of the night was when he said, “I’ve waited 90 years for this dinner.”

Celebrating Bob's father's 90th birthday at Kobe.

Celebrating Bob’s father’s 90th birthday at Kobe.

Later that night – Bob (my husband) takes his dad back to the ALF and reminds him that he is not to eat anything after midnight and not to drink anything after 8:00 AM.

Friday at 9:15 AM – I arrive to pick up Dale only to find that the he does not have the blood work results.  I rush over to the nurses’ station and inquire.  The guy was late to draw the blood.  They try to track him down on his cell phone to have him drop the sample off at the closest lab and fax the results to our pain doctor.  They get his voice mail.  I call the pain doctor who tells me to go ahead and come.  They’ll at least examine him and probably receive the results in time to have the injection.  I inform them I’ll be ten minutes late.  They are gracious.

Friday at 9:50 AM – I’m driving down the road with Dale and we joke about how maybe he’s not supposed to have this shot today after all.  Then it occurs to me to ask a question.  “Dad, you didn’t eat anything today, did you?”  His reply, “Just a half a sandwich at about 7 AM.”  I call the pain doctor from my cell phone.  By now they know my voice.  “Well, he can’t have the shot.  We can’t anesthetize him after eating.  Unless… I guess he could just get a local if he’s okay with that.”  He was.  I inform them we will be about 15 minutes late now that we have entered a traffic-jammed construction zone.  I start twitching.

Friday at 10:15 AM – We arrive at the office only to find out that, of course, they have not yet received the blood work results.  I call the ALF and get their voice mail.  The doctor comes in and prescribes a sedative for me (just kidding).  Seriously, he could see that I was totally stressed out and he was so kind and patient.  He examined my father-in-law and sent us upstairs to await the blood work results.

Friday at 11:15 AM – The results are in – the shot is a “Go.”

On the way home, Dale wants to go shopping or out to lunch, but I remind him that he is to rest for the remainder of the day.  I drop him off at 12:15, confer with the ALF staff and head out.

Friday at 12:30 – I call Bob and let him know he’ll be taking me out to dinner that night.  I should be totally relaxed after treating myself to a massage and a nap.  He was happy to comply.

10 Comments
by Bonnie Anderson on January 22, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Family, Stuff I Go Through
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Posted by Bonnie Anderson on January 22, 2013

https://lifeonthelighterside.com/2013/01/22/at-least-the-twitching-has-passed/

Florida is Being Invaded – The Squeeze is On!

In case you’ve been wondering if there is anything exciting and/or controversial going on in Florida that might also be worthy of being made fun of, wonder no more.  On Saturday, January 12, Florida kicked off a real nail-biter of a challenge.  It is being covered by the news, but not nearly enough for me; so I thought I’d better make sure that you aren’t missing out on this huge story.

You may or may not know that Florida has a problem with many invasive, non-native species.  Lionfish, Muscovy ducks, Cuban tree frogs, and Hulk Hogan are a few of our more popular ones.  But none, not even Hulk Hogan, can cause the stir that the Burmese Pythons are creating in the Everglades right now.  In layman’s terms, the snakes are eating everything in sight.  They are putting the squeeze on our native mammals, birds and reptiles.  They are wreaking havoc on our ecosystem.

Therefore, in the true, Florida spirit that spits in the eye of every pesky mosquito and reptile around, 2013 Python Challenge is under way.  The competition will conclude on February 10 at 11:59 PM.  The idea is to eliminate (kill) as many pythons as possible.  (This is the controversial part.  PETA is up in arms about this.  Oops, maybe my wording should be changed because I don’t know if PETA actually gets up in arms, but you get the picture.)

Anyway, there is a prize for the highest number harvested (killed) and a prize for the largest one harvested (killed), too.  Anyone 18 or over that has an extra $25 can enter.  And 16 and 17 year-olds are welcome when accompanied by a registered parent.  So, what are you waiting for?  Head on down to The Everglades; grab your machete, guns and Off! and come on.

Yes, for a mere $25 you can have the time of your life, assuming you don’t:

  1. Get strangled by a python
  2. Have an alligator attack you
  3. Get bitten by a water moccasin or any of the other venomous snakes that inhabit the area
  4. Become overwhelmed with a heat stroke
  5. Contract any of the following mosquito borne diseases:
    1.  West Nile Virus
    2.  Malaria
    3. Dengue Fever
    4. Encephalitis

We really have it all down here.  And, talk about a deal – that price is approximately the same as two days of parking at any of the major theme parks.  You are probably starting to plan your trip right now and no doubt asking yourself, what can I use to harvest (kill) those big boys?

Here is where the real bang for your buck kicks in, you can use a gun.  Warning, they insist there is an ethical obligation to kill these snakes in a humane manner.  So, play nice.  Nice means shooting the snake in the head is fine.  Specifically that means you must be careful “to use a safe but effective caliber and making sure that you destroy the snake’s brain.”  (This is quoted from http://www.pythonchallenge.org/toolkit/euthanasia.aspx where you can get all the info you need for your outing.)

The trickiest part of shooting the snake is finding the correct spot to target.  They instruct the hunter to make an imaginary line from the rear of the head on the left side to the right eye and then do the same on the opposite side of the head.  The point of intersection is the target.  I can only imagine myself finding a snake and trying to draw those lines in my head before I blow the thing to smithereens.  I guess it’s a good thing I’m not out there.  Figuring out how to follow the hunt on twitter was challenge enough for me.

They are also on board with using a machete to decapitate the snake, though you can tell they aren’t quite as happy about that, what with the chance that a clean cut may not be made and the ravenous, invading snake that has so compromised our state’s ecosystem might not be killed with one fell swoop.  Not to mention the fact that if you chop the snake up into more than two pieces, it will not be eligible for the longest snake award.  I’m not making that up; it’s in the official rules.

Your next question is likely, who came up with this plan to send seasoned hunters and novices alike into the wild to grub for twelve-foot reptiles?  It’s the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission (FWC) and its partners.  These guys love an opportunity to have dozens of armed people descend on the Everglades for an old-fashioned snake hunt.  I think it’s a great idea, too, though I will not participate due to the fact that I am really pretty wimpy and don’t like to sweat, be strangled by snakes, or attacked by alligators.  If I want to be bitten by a mosquito, I don’t have to go all the way down there for that.

I was wondering who can afford to take an entire month off of work to play hide and seek with pythons with only an off-chance that they may win a whopping $1500 prize.  But I discovered that many of those registered are not out there every day; and hey, unemployment is still pretty rough down here, so if time is not a problem, why not go for it.  (See my list of five good reasons above.)

And if you’re thinking about stacking the deck by planting a python or two for you to “harvest,” think again.  That’s a no-no.  According to the official rules, harvesting a python that was formerly a pet gets you disqualified.  That rule is a bit ambiguous to me because the python problem is largely a result of people letting their pet pythons go in the wild when they became too much for them to handle.  Yes, all kittens, puppies and baby snakes are adorable (not!), but they do grow up.  Think, people, before you purchase that exotic animal!  Talk about buyer’s remorse!

As of this writing the count of pythons stands at eleven, but it’s early.  Every Friday and Tuesday the official website will be updated.  You can click  http://pythonchallenge.org/ to keep up with it.

6 Comments
by Bonnie Anderson on January 16, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Current Events, Florida Living
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Posted by Bonnie Anderson on January 16, 2013

https://lifeonthelighterside.com/2013/01/16/florida-is-being-invaded-the-squeeze-is-on/

The Not Too Funny but All Too True Story of How I Spent Christmas Vacation

What do Betty Crocker, Costco and my family have in common?  I wouldn’t have made it through the holidays without them.

My last post was on December 11.  I usually post on Tuesdays, but decided to push my Tuesday the 18th post to the 20th to time it closer to Christmas.  (This was influenced greatly by the fact that I had not written that post.)  I also figured that, if you are like me, you wouldn’t be reading as many blogs over the week of Christmas, so I planned on skipping that week altogether.

Plans are made to be changed, tweaked and invaded.  On the morning of the 19th of December my plans were invaded in the form of four of my grandchildren coming to stay with us while my daughter, their mommy, was rushed to the hospital with a major gall bladder attack.  If that wasn’t bad enough, she also had pancreatitis, which had to be resolved before the gall bladder could be removed.

So needless to say, life got serious.  Very serious.  Dena was in bad shape.  Her husband stayed by her side, as my husband and I, along with our sons and daughters-in-law prayed and watched the kids.  The kids, who are 9, 7, 4 and 8 months old, were wonderful, especially in light of being slightly traumatized as I  picked them up and brought them to our house while they watched their mommy be rushed to the hospital.

It was a very different Christmas season.  Thankfully, Dena was released from the hospital on Christmas Day and she came right to our house to nestle in our Lazy Boy and celebrate Christmas with us all.  We are grateful to God.  We are also amazed at the wonderful family that we have been blessed with.  Our son, Scott, took off of work that first afternoon to stay with the kids so I could go to the hospital and then watched the little two the next night so Bob and I could surprise Mia and Ella (the oldest two) with a night at the theater watching The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, which we had arranged weeks beforehand.  My son Joe and his wife Aubyron arrived on Friday afternoon for Christmas only to jump in with all four feet with the kids, chasing them around the yard, taking them to a movie along with Uncle Scott and helping in every way possible.  My son Jesse and his wife Dacia took Bob’s dad to the hospital to see Dena as he was so worried about her, and then carted the three oldest kids to their house for an afternoon giving us a much-needed break.  And that doesn’t even count the friends who prayed.

I am amazed at God’s provision.  Here it was the busiest time of year and because of that very fact, my family was around.  Bob had even previously scheduled vacation days the week of Christmas.

In light of all of this, our Christmas Eve dinner was a bit different.  We decided to let Dena off the hook regarding preparing any dishes.  After all, she was in the hospital and on a liquid diet.  It just wouldn’t have been right to put that kind of pressure on her.

Between my mom, my daughters-in-law and me, not to mention a strong showing by Costco and Betty Crocker, we had it covered.  Dinner consisted of a Costco spiral-cut ham, frozen yeast rolls, Betty Crocker Au Gratin potatoes (yes, right from the box), and green beans and pan roasted red onions (the one and only home-made dish).  Dessert was apple pie, fresh from Costco’s bakery.  We ate it all on fancy paper plates.  It was delicious.

After dinner we sat around a fire and sang Christmas carols, drove around looking at lights and then returned home to put the kids to bed.  We used our iPhones to face-time with Dena and her husband Derek so they could see their kids in their new Christmas pajamas.  I cried.  Dena cried.  But we all knew she would be home soon.

As I mentioned, our prayers were answered when Dena came home on Christmas.  She was still pretty weak, so she recovered at our house for the next four days.  Most of that time was without her kids as they were home with their daddy allowing Dena more effective and undisturbed rest.

So this is a portion of what I’ve been up to lately.  There has been no time for writing, at least no time that I have opted to use for writing.  Sleeping and being with the family took priority.  I hope to be back on a regular Tuesday schedule, but I can see that my life is not my own and that’s good.  I make the plans; God has his way.  It is very good.

Now I’m working on getting my funny bone back in shape.  Maybe Costco has something that would help with that.  I know my family always comes through, especially the grandkids.  All I need is a little energy to write things down, and I’ll be back in the swing of things in no time.  Meanwhile, I think I’ll pull out my Betty Crocker Cookbook and look for a chicken soup recipe.  That’s always good for the soul.

8 Comments
by Bonnie Anderson on January 11, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Faith, Family, Holidays
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Posted by Bonnie Anderson on January 11, 2013

https://lifeonthelighterside.com/2013/01/11/the-not-too-funny-but-all-too-true-story-of-how-i-spent-christmas-vacation/

He’s Making a List (on an Excel Spreadsheet) and Checking It Twice

It’s Christmastime again and there is no better season to be married to an engineer.  He comes in so handy.  This will be Bob’s and my 38th Christmas together as husband and wife, so I know what I’m talking about.

Each year, Bob and I sit down together to form our gift giving list.  In the early days of our marriage we would do this on paper.  In those pre-computer days Bob wrote down everything on graph paper.  This drove me crazy and may be the root of some of my problems with confined spaces.  I don’t like writing in tiny boxes, and I’m a little claustrophobic.  But my main problem was how do you use cursive handwriting on graph paper?  The answer is – you don’t.  Engineers don’t use cursive handwriting.  They print everything, which is good because when they do have to write something in cursive, for example their signature, you can’t read it.  Give them a piece of graph paper though and order and legibility return.

In order to keep me from having a bad attitude and possibly being placed on the Naughty List, we developed a system where I wrote everything down on regular paper.  At Bob’s suggestion, we used columns – person, gift, cost, etc.  I would check things off as we bought a gift and line through items after wrapping them.

This brings me to the present day.  Bob now creates the bones of our gift giving list.  He no longer uses graph paper.  He is much more current than that.  He uses an Excel Spreadsheet.  The first time he attempted this new-fangled way of keeping track of things, I balked at it.  I pulled out my yellow pad and begged him to let me use these things called paper and pen that had been my faithful friends since I was six years old.  He relented, sort of.  He kept his spread sheet and I kept my pad of paper.  I was stubborn, as I am with most things that relate to learning/using the computer.

But, I discovered, this was not building unity in our marriage.  It was not healthy for me to continue to resist his advances (technological or otherwise).  He waited patiently until I finally caved.  Now we happily use the spread sheet exclusively.  I look at it as a way to spread (sheet) peace on earth and bless Bob.  And, please don’t tell Bob this, it is very efficient.  In case you are thinking about trying to find our list, it is disguised in his computer files under a phony name.  You’ll never find it.  Trust me, I can’t even find it.  I know it’s there, because the computer has better memory function than I do.  Again, it’s a good thing I have Bob around.

There are other ways that having an engineer around comes in handy.  He easily calculates how many strings of Christmas lights we need for the outside of the house and hangs them most efficiently.  This year when he put out our lighted Christmas moose with the head that goes back and forth, we were sad to discover that there were lights burned out around his mouth.  All it took for them to work again was Bob taking one step toward the moose.  Things fix themselves in his presence.  He’s that intimidating!

photo (107)My fiber optic winter scene had a tiny ice-skating figure broken off at the base.  Bob went into his lab/office and concocted a bonding agent (glue) to put him back on his feet.  My kids always marveled at how they would put broken toys on Bob’s desk and they would miraculously appear back in their rooms as good as new.

As a matter of fact, my granddaughters are now picking up on this.  I suppose their mom has taught them well.  We finished our last day of Grandmom School for the semester and for a treat I told the girls we were going to plan a surprise for Bumpa (Bob).  Being the simple, non-flashy guy that he is, he had mentioned to me that he really likes the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.  The girls and I headed to CVS and bought him one and surprised him with it at his office.  They wanted a tour so he took them down in the lab and showed them around.  On seeing firsthand what he does, Mia exclaimed how this was the perfect job for him, seeing how he loves to make and fix things.  It was so sweet.

The one thing I have on him when it comes to lists at Christmas is that I used to be a secretary and I know shorthand.  So I write myself notes and ideas about what to get Bob for Christmas in that form and he can’t read it.  And, even though I have a smart phone, I still pull out my trusty paper and pen to make my list for him.  I’ve looked it over recently, but with two weeks to go before Christmas, I guess it’s time for me to check that one twice, too.

Musical Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

6 Comments
by Bonnie Anderson on December 11, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Family, Holidays, marriage
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Posted by Bonnie Anderson on December 11, 2012

https://lifeonthelighterside.com/2012/12/11/hes-making-a-list-on-an-excel-spreadsheet-and-checking-it-twice/

“One Day You’ll Miss This…”

Bob and I finally watched all six of our grandchildren at the same time.  After a good night’s sleep and a hearty lunch we were as prepared as possible for their arrival (ages 9, 7, 5, 4, 4, 6 months).  They were with us for dinner so we set up an assembly line of bowls, filled them up and called the kids to come eat.  We observed the emergence of two distinct eating groups.

Group One will eat just about anything we put in front of them and then scavenge the pantry, the refrigerator and even our plates for more food.  Their goal is to leave as little food in my house when they leave as possible.

Group Two practically requires an IV for nutrition or possibly the surgically assisted opening of their mouths to a space large enough for a fork or spoon.  They are unaware of the starving children in Africa and we have to work hard at keeping them from being starving children in Orlando, though as soon as we give up on making them eat their dinner, they will be hungry and want yogurt or cheese.

pj 001

Thanks for keeping my floor clean, PJ.

When finally we were able to get Group One to stop eating and Group Two to eat enough to ward off starvation, we excused them to watch a show while we surveyed the damage.  That was the point when I realized how much I miss my dog.  We always had a dog when our children were young and truly there is no better friend than one who will lick your floor clean after every meal.

In case you think I’m lamenting dog ownership, let me assure you that I am not.  Besides, according to the No More Pet Pact of 2011, (click here to read about this on my former blog), a pet is not an option.  On-going training of the children is the only option.  Yes, it’s hard.  Eating while sitting squarely on your chair and aimed at the table does not come as naturally to a four-year-old as licking the floor does to a dog, but I know it can be done.  Most adults are a testimony to that, but I digress.

Anyway, after the kids were in bed, Bob and I reminisced about our own days of parenting our four children.  We remembered people telling us that one day we’d miss this, that or the other.  As we sat in the quiet room, exhausted, we compiled a list of five things that people will sometimes say that one day you’ll miss, and we have decided that we don’t:

  1. Of course, topping the list is trying to get the kids to eat their dinner.  They love chicken and chicken nuggets, but throw chicken potpie on their plate and you’d think we served up gruel with chunks of liver and brussels sprouts.  Being the grandmother, though, I am a little more merciful.  I can remember many tearful dinners trying to get my children to eat.  Now I hardly cry at all.
  2. Getting poop stuck under your fingernails during a diaper blow-out.  Enough said.
  3. Scooping a floater out of the tub during the kids’ bath time.  I’ll never forget the first time this happened.  We had a couple of our kids in the bath together and one started screaming.  Bob calmly came in and bare-handed the offensive fecal matter.  Yes, he is my hero in so many ways.  I remember looking at him and saying, “Someday we’ll miss this.”  Ha, ha, ha – not really.
  4. Boogers everywhere including in a row on the wall around their bed, on the bottom of the top bunk, on the headboard of the bed, crusted to the back seat area of the car.
  5. Bedtime stall tactics:  No, you cannot have one more last drink of water.  One story and one song sung is all you get.  There are no monsters under the bed.  Daddy killed them all this morning.  Wolves cannot turn the doorknob to get in the house and we won’t let them in either.  Besides, we live in Florida, you should be afraid of alligators not wolves.  Yes, I too am concerned about the proliferation of nuclear weapons in the world today, but for tonight you just have to go to sleep.

These are some of the things that I really do miss:

  1.  Cuddling with sleepy children when they wake up in the morning.
  2. The mispronunciation of certain words, for example, pianio.  I didn’t want to correct my daughter on that one because it was so cute.  (Now that she’s all grown up, I guess I’ll tell her how it’s really pronounced.)
  3. The awe and excitement of watching them learn new things.
  4. The “let’s say we do this” conversations of plotting while pretending.
  5. Hugs around the neck with all their might.

But, of course, these things make appearances again in the form of grandchildren.  It’s a good process.  I’m grateful.

14 Comments
by Bonnie Anderson on December 4, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Family
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Posted by Bonnie Anderson on December 4, 2012

https://lifeonthelighterside.com/2012/12/04/one-day-youll-miss-this/

What Happens When Sunday School and Second Grade Collide?

In August I ventured into some new yet familiar waters.  One day a week, in an effort to assist my daughter in home schooling, my granddaughters come over for “Grandmom School.”  The idea came to me last spring, but I was hesitant to tell anyone for fear I was actually being prompted by God to do this and, therefore, might have to follow through.

When at last I broke down and told Bob, he said he thought it was a good idea. I mentioned it to Dena and I’m not sure, but I think I saw a tear in her eye as she jumped up and down and immediately said “Yes.”  So now every Thursday is a school day.  We are focusing on language arts – spelling, reading, writing, penmanship.  The girls are in second and fourth grade.  Dena has two other children who are six months old and four.  I thought she and the other kids would benefit from a day off while I worked with the girls for her.

Having been down this road before, I determined not to assume that Dena had omitted anything from their education.  Kids can make you look bad, and I didn’t want to think the worst when they didn’t know things that I thought they should have already been taught.  They forget from year to year.  Add to that this new home-school setting where they are completely comfortable with me but not as their teacher, and I was ready for them to shout out the first thing that popped into their budding little brains when asked a question.

At least I thought I was ready.

We had been reading The Great Cake Mystery by Alexander McCall Smith.  It is set in Botswana, so I added a study of that country.  They also learned about animals of Africa, which was their favorite part, and we reviewed the continents and the oceans, just to make sure they were seeing the big picture.

During this study, we compared the United States with Botswana, and I asked them a few things about our country.  In hindsight, I may have shifted gears too quickly for them, but it did make for an interesting conversation.  Here is a sample.  The girls’ responses are in italics.  I won’t attribute to a particular child, but I will say that Ella is the fastest to shout out an answer, being first to answer is what it’s all about for her, right or wrong.  If they can just match the exuberance of answering a question with listening to the entire question and thinking it through, they’ll be fine.

Me – “What is the capital of the United States?

The United States of America.

Well, that’s the complete name of our country.  What is the capital of The United States of America?

The White House.

Okay, let’s back up a bit.  Who is the current president of the United States?

Barack Obama.

Good.  Now who was our first president?

Silence

Can you name any other president besides President Obama?

Silence

I know you know at least one more.  Think a minute.  You read a book about a president last year.  He was very tall and wore a stove-pipe hat.

Silence

Okay, remember that we visited the capital last year and we went to several museums and saw many monuments.  One had a huge statue of our sixteenth president sitting on a chair.  Another monument is tall and looks like a pencil.  It is named for our first president, just like the capital is.  The first president is sometimes referred to as the father of our country.

I know – Father Abraham.

It was all I could do at this point not to break down – I was holding back tears, laughter and having to restrain myself from singing Father Abraham, but I kept going.  Finally they shouted out George Washington.  I was exhausted!

Ella “holding” the Washington Monument

Later I got to thinking – Maybe I should make sure they are not confusing Abraham Lincoln with the Abraham of the Old Testament, but I was too afraid to go there.  The learning continues.

12 Comments
by Bonnie Anderson on November 27, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Family, Stuff I Go Through
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Posted by Bonnie Anderson on November 27, 2012

https://lifeonthelighterside.com/2012/11/27/what-happens-when-sunday-school-and-second-grade-collide/

Tale of a Tempermental Toilet

Bob called me from work today and asked me to go back in the bathroom and look in the toilet.  Having raised three sons, this is not the first time that I have had that requested of me.  Usually it meant that somebody had evacuated their bowels in the shape of an animal or maybe their initials.  I don’t fall for this anymore, but since Bob didn’t seem to be holding back laughter, I accommodated him (though not without a clarifying question).

“Why do you want me to look in the toilet, did you leave a little present for me there?” I asked.  Of course, that was not the case, but I couldn’t disappoint him by not asking.

Let me give you the scoop about our commode.  I’ve been losing sleep over it – literally.  You could say that I’m (sorry) pooped.  This is how the night starts – I begin drifting off to sleep and then I hear a soft flushing noise coming from our bathroom.  It’s short lived but effective in keeping me awake and it happens intermittently.  Sometimes just for variety the flushing mechanism moans like a motor trying to turn over until I finally drag myself out of bed and turn the water off.  By the way, these are sounds that only a woman can hear.  I know this because Bob sleeps right through them.  Since he does believe me and has on occasion even admitted to hearing these sounds, he has purposed to bring peace and quiet back to our bathroom.

Sleek, Luxurious, Annoying

Usually this is an easy fix but not this time.  The problem is we bought one of those fancy-shmancy push button toilets from Costco.  The flusher button is split in two pieces.  You push the small one for pee and the large one for feces.

I confess we were blinded by the glamour of this classy porcelain throne without a handle sticking out the side of it marring its beauty.  We just never stopped to consider the difficulty of replacing parts.  Another bad idea was putting the model number inside the tank.  Thanks to our hard water down here in Orlando, that number had long since been obliterated.

But we have a happy ending to our story.  Costco, which is in contention with Disney World for being the happiest place on earth, came to our rescue.  I went down there and talked to the lady at the customer service counter.  She looked up our records all the way back to January of 2009 when we made this purchase and gave me all the information we needed.  Bob called the company today.  They told us our toilet is under warranty and in 3-7 business days we’ll be sitting pretty with a straight flush.

6 Comments
by Bonnie Anderson on November 20, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Stuff I Go Through
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Posted by Bonnie Anderson on November 20, 2012

https://lifeonthelighterside.com/2012/11/20/tale-of-a-tempermental-toilet/

The Moon Is Waning but Don’t Worry, It’s Just a Phase

I’ve been trying to determine if I am an optimist or a pessimist, but it’s a challenge.  Regarding some things I am really a glass-is-half-full type of person.  Other things are more like the glass is half empty but the part that surprisingly has anything in it has spoiled and if I drink it I’ll probably die.  I go in cycles (not that kind – well maybe that kind).

To the point, let me tell you that recently I updated my home page on my computer and included a pictorial of the current phase of the moon.  Today’s moon phase is Waning Crescent 2% of Full.

Amazing!  Whoever came up with labeling the phases of the moon must have been quite the optimist.  I most likely would have said Waning Crescent 98% Darkened.  Perhaps if I had been around during the early years of mankind I would have assessed it as The Moon is Disappearing and We’re All Going to Die in the Darkness of Night.  At that point I would have asked my husband Bob, who would have been an engineer like he is today even though nobody would have come up with that name yet, to please quickly invent something that would give light and warmth before we were attacked in our sleep by whatever crept around in the darkness or worse yet by that weird guy with eight saber-tooth cats who lived down the path.

At any rate, I would have been pleasantly surprised when the moon started to grow in size again, which would have given Bob a bit more time to develop that light source he was working on.

So in a day when we are approaching a fiscal cliff and the moon is waning, I choose to look for that moon to wax again.  It might light our way in case we don’t get a barricade up in time to keep us all from plunging to our death.  Oops, I mean it might light our way to see the loveliness of the terrain as we enjoy the scenic view of the side of the cliff.  Is that better?  I’ll look at it as a baby step toward optimism.

Psalm 42:11 – Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

3 Comments
by Bonnie Anderson on November 13, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Current Events, Faith, Stuff I Go Through
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Posted by Bonnie Anderson on November 13, 2012

https://lifeonthelighterside.com/2012/11/13/the-moon-is-waning-but-dont-worry-its-just-a-phase/

Election Day is Every Day

Today is Election Day and I am excited.  I’m excited about not having to listen to campaign commercials that use music piped in from a funeral home.  Excited about being able to answer my house phone again and talk to a real person on the other end of the line.  (Yes, I have a land line, which I will surely get rid of before the next presidential election process begins.)  Excited to see the campaign signs cleared from the highways.  And, of course, excited to see if my candidates win.

But today, while our main focus is on choosing the man who will be our president for the next four years, let us not lose sight of the many and varied choices we make in our lives every day – things that we “vote” for with our dollars when we go to the store.  Things that enrich our lives.  Things that we hold dearly.  Things like paper towels.

These are some of the topics that divide our country.  Some would say they are nothing more than personal preference, but look deeper.  What do your choices say about you and what do you say about other people’s choices?  Personally, I am trying to rise above judging in any of these matters, even though I am pretty passionate about some.  I’ve listed a few choice hot topics below for your consideration.  Where do you stand on these important issues?

  1. Paper towels – I like the ones where you can select the size.  When I see your one sheet towels I wonder what you are really thinking here.  Do you put them out for me because I’m perceived as sloppy?  My select a size allows you to use what you need without any preconceived notion of how messy you will be.
  2. Wine vs. beer – I don’t like the taste of beer and it is hard for me to understand that you prefer it over wine, which I am very fond of.  I am a fan of the majority of beer commercials though, so I’ll try not to be too hard-nosed about this.
  3. Sushi – I will never understand you people who eat sushi, much less those of you who try to force your sushi on me.  I won’t force McDonalds on you if you don’t force sushi on me.
  4. Indian food – My tastes are pretty conservative.  Indian food is a little out there for me.  See #3 above.
  5. College Football – I couldn’t care any less about college football.  People try to convince me that it’s all that and I wish they’d just give up.  I also don’t get it when people make a team their team when they never went to that college.  I guess sometimes we simply don’t understand each other, and I need to accept that.
  6. Scary movies – I don’t like scary movies.  Why spend $12 to be scared?  I like comedies.  I don’t understand that you would rather scream in fear than laugh at someone trip over an ottoman (I mean a stool, not a person from13th century Turkey).
  7. M&Ms – How can you prefer plain over peanut?  What’s wrong with you?
  8. Dark chocolate vs. Milk chocolate – Come on, the taste of dark chocolate is bitter.  Is it just that you’ve read up on dark chocolate and decided to like it because it may be healthier?  You will never convince me that it is better than milk chocolate in all its yummy sweetness.  You may as well stop trying; this will always be a bitter-sweet debate.
  9. FOX News vs. MSNBC vs. CNN – I’m not even going to go here because frankly I can hardly stand to watch any of them at this point.
  10. Romney vs. Obama – Nope, not even going to go there either.  My policy is – If you can’t say something funny, don’t say anything at all.
8 Comments
by Bonnie Anderson on November 6, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Stuff I Go Through
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Posted by Bonnie Anderson on November 6, 2012

https://lifeonthelighterside.com/2012/11/06/election-day-is-every-day/

Help, I’m Chained to my Computer

Bob is making me write this post.  He likes to force me out of my comfort zone.  Currently he is standing over me with his arms folded in front of him yelling, “Type, type.”  It’s like the writer’s version of being chained in the hold of a boat while the master yells, “Row, row.”  He has promised to let me have a sip of water once I’ve posted.

The reason for my hesitation is that this post is a little like patting myself on the back.  I’m not comfortable doing that.  Perhaps I should stretch first and that would help.  Anyway, Bob thought I should tell you a bit of exciting news.

My last post about stalking zombies at CVS described one of the most spontaneous bits of fun I’ve had meeting new people while out and about.  I decided to share it on Erma Bombeck’s Writers’ Workshop facebook page.  Today I was contacted and asked if they could share it on their blog.  I am so honored.  I grew up reading Erma and feel like she is part of my extended family.  I am reminded that I would have stopped writing a long time ago if I didn’t have a few people out there reading what I wrote (besides my mom and dad).  So, thank you, my friends, for reading the stuff I throw at you.  You warm my heart with your kind words of encouragement.  I hope my little offerings lighten your load and bring a smile to your faces.

In case you’d like to see my post on the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop Blog and also take a look at what some other humor writers are doing, you can click on this link  for the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop Blog.  It is a very entertaining place to hang out and do some reading.

Now, if Bob doesn’t mind, I think I’ll have that sip of water.

16 Comments
by Bonnie Anderson on November 1, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Stuff I Go Through, Writing
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Posted by Bonnie Anderson on November 1, 2012

https://lifeonthelighterside.com/2012/11/01/help-im-chained-to-my-computer/

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