CVS, Where You Can Get a Prescription, Pick Up Some Milk, Be Stalked by Zombies (a vintage post)

Enjoy this  post from four years ago. It was included in the Erma Bombeck Humor Blog in 2012.

CVS just might stand for Customers are Very Scary.  I offer you proof with this frightening but true story that happened at my local CVS.  (Note:  I have changed the name of the girl in this story, at least I think I changed it.  This was not to protect her privacy, but because I couldn’t remember her name by the time I got home.)

Once upon a time there was a little girl of seven.  She was a happy, friendly child who roamed the aisles of the store alone without a care.  Or so it seemed.

She approached me and asked me my name.  “Bonnie,” I said.  “What’s your name?”

“Melissa.”

“Hi, Melissa.  How are you?”

“I’m fine except a scary thing is following me around the store,” she replied.

I saw a boy walking towards us.  He resembled her so strongly that he had to be her brother.  “Do you mean him?  He does look a little scary.”

“No, he’s my brother.  He’s eight,” she replied and pointed to a zombie Halloween decoration, which was in fact scarier looking than her brother.  “That.  That’s following me.”

I quickly learned a lot about seven-year-old Melissa.  She loves Halloween and is going to be a fairy when she goes trick or treating. Her brother joined us.  She tried to convince him that a spooky creature was following her, but he was uninterested.  Soon they were totally absorbed in the many choices of candy on display.

I then became a ghost to Melissa, who diverted her attention fully to the candy.  At this point I seized the moment and sneaked one of the zombies from where it was perched on a shelf, placed it behind Melissa and her brother and ran down the aisle to hide.  She turned around and jumped and said to her brother, “See, it’s following me.”

They headed farther down the aisle and I was able to use my powers of stealth and move Mr. Zombie right down to the spot where they were about to round a corner.  She gave a little scream and again insisted to her brother that she was being followed.  At that point I walked up and she recounted the entire story to me.

I got into the story with her and asked lots of questions.  She was obviously having a great time.  I was able to add zombies to her path about four times before I had to make my purchase and return to the land of the living.  At the check-out I came across the kids again, this time with their mother.  Melissa was going on and on to the cashier about how zombies had been following her around the store.  Then she looked at me and said, “You wouldn’t have moved them around, would you?”

“Now why would I do that?” I replied with a wink.

Hands down, this was the best time I ever had in CVS.  The Very Scary part does concern me, though.  I was a harmless stranger who really enjoys playing with kids on their level.  I’m glad I’m the one she befriended as it scares me to death to think about this little girl and her brother unsupervised for so long in the store.  I hope this serves as a gentle reminder to people to keep an eye on their kids and grandkids.

It also reminds me of the story of my daughter trying to impress on her kids not to be taken in by a stranger.  You want your kids to be friendly, but they need to keep their distance.  Every time she asked her three-year old if he would go with a stranger who offered him candy, his answer was the same.  “Yes!  I like candy.”  It’s a hard lesson.  Even at my age if you offer me peanut M&Ms, I still will be tempted to go with you.  I probably won’t, but I’ll be tempted.

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CVS, Where You Can Get a Prescription, Pick Up Some Milk, Be Stalked by Zombies

CVS just might stand for Customers are Very Scary.  I offer you proof with this frightening but true story that happened at my local CVS.  (Note:  I have changed the name of the girl in this story, at least I think I changed it.  This was not to protect her privacy, but because I couldn’t remember her name by the time I got home.)

Once upon a time there was a little girl of seven.  She was a happy, friendly child who roamed the aisles of the store alone without a care.  Or so it seemed.

She approached me and asked me my name.  “Bonnie,” I said.  “What’s your name?”

“Melissa.”

“Hi, Melissa.  How are you?”

“I’m fine except a scary thing is following me around the store,” she replied.

I saw a boy walking towards us.  He resembled her so strongly that he had to be her brother.  “Do you mean him?  He does look a little scary.”

“No, he’s my brother.  He’s eight,” she replied and pointed to a zombie Halloween decoration, which was in fact scarier looking than her brother.  “That.  That’s following me.”

I quickly learned a lot about seven-year-old Melissa.  She loves Halloween and is going to be a fairy when she goes trick or treating. Her brother joined us.  She tried to convince him that a spooky creature was following her, but he was uninterested.  Soon they were totally absorbed in the many choices of candy on display.

I then became a ghost to Melissa, who diverted her attention fully to the candy.  At this point I seized the moment and sneaked one of the zombies from where it was perched on a shelf, placed it behind Melissa and her brother and ran down the aisle to hide.  She turned around and jumped and said to her brother, “See, it’s following me.”

They headed farther down the aisle and I was able to use my powers of stealth and move Mr. Zombie right down to the spot where they were about to round a corner.  She gave a little scream and again insisted to her brother that she was being followed.  At that point I walked up and she recounted the entire story to me.

I got into the story with her and asked lots of questions.  She was obviously having a great time.  I was able to add zombies to her path about four times before I had to make my purchase and return to the land of the living.  At the check-out I came across the kids again, this time with their mother.  Melissa was going on and on to the cashier about how zombies had been following her around the store.  Then she looked at me and said, “You wouldn’t have moved them around, would you?”

“Now why would I do that?” I replied with a wink.

Hands down, this was the best time I ever had in CVS.  The Very Scary part does concern me, though.  I was a harmless stranger who really enjoys playing with kids on their level.  I’m glad I’m the one she befriended as it scares me to death to think about this little girl and her brother unsupervised for so long in the store.  I hope this serves as a gentle reminder to people to keep an eye on their kids and grandkids.

It also reminds me of the story of my daughter trying to impress on her kids not to be taken in by a stranger.  You want your kids to be friendly, but they need to keep their distance.  Every time she asked her three-year old if he would go with a stranger who offered him candy, his answer was the same.  “Yes!  I like candy.”  It’s a hard lesson.  Even at my age if you offer me peanut M&Ms, I still will be tempted to go with you.  I probably won’t, but I’ll be tempted.

Ten Scary Things

Since Halloween is quickly approaching, I have a list of some of the scary things in my life that I’d like to share with you.

Great pumpkin charlie brown title card.jpg

Photo Credit: Wikipedia

  1. I tried to set up to record “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown,” only to discover that it doesn’t come on until Halloween night at 8:30.  That means no pre-Halloween encouragement to sit in the pumpkin patch all night awaiting the Great Pumpkin!  I’m a little disappointed, it’s like somebody just gave me a rock.
  2. Add to the above the fact that the stores already look more like Christmas than Halloween or fall.  That means that by November 1, the only thing left from Halloween is sugared up kids and cavities.  Who wants to watch the Great Pumpkin when it’s time to watch “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving?”
  3. I saw a man walking down my street the other day carrying something by his side that was long and ominous looking.  Yes, it appeared to be a shotgun.  I didn’t recognize the guy so I felt slightly threatened until I got a closer look and realized he was carrying an umbrella.  I guess the only threat that day was one of rain.
  4. Recently I was horrified when I realized the glow coming from the trashcan in the bathroom was from a candle that I had thrown away because I thought it was burnt out.  This is another reason I’m thankful that I switched to battery operated candles.
  5. My granddaughter, Mia, commented that she thought it strange that Bumpa (Bob) has gray hair and I don’t.  I had to confess that if I don’t go see my friend Diana every six to eight weeks, that mystery will be solved.
  6. I remembered something the other day and I was so proud of myself.  The scary thing is that now I don’t remember what it was that I remembered, but I know I was very excited about it.
  7. Bob and I went to the movies the other night.  I asked the guy at the ticket booth how old you have to be to be a senior there.  He said 60.  Then I made him guess if we were old enough for the senior discount.  I think this will be my new movie theater game.  It’s fun to make them squirm.  Let’s see – discount ticket vs. being thought older than I am.  It’s a bit of a toss-up.  Once after we got into the theater I noticed on our credit card slip that we had received the senior discount.  I was so offended that I tried to get Bob to go give them some more money.
  8. And on this same subject, I am learning to type on my i-Phone without my glasses on.  I am far-sighted so in the theater I don’t need them.  For some reason I seem to get blogging ideas when the previews are running and don’t want to fumble around trying to find my glasses so I just make a stab at it.  The interesting part is later on when I try to read what I wrote.  For example, according to my i-Phone notes, #7 above was about trying to make the guy at the ticket booth guess if I’m an armoire.
  9. After listening to a British gentleman repeatedly use the word “organization,” the other day, I decided that from now on I will pronounce that word the British way.  Since then I have come to the realization that I never find an occasion to use that word.  Now I need to go out and join an organ-I-zation so I have opportunity to use my new pronunciation.  This is a little scary for me as I don’t have an abundance of extra time right now.  Maybe I’ll form my own organ-I-zation and meet in my car when I’m out running errands.
  10. I have two bird baths – one for birds and one for bees.  (Too bad they weren’t around when we were explaining the facts of life to our kids.)  No matter what I do to the second one, the bees keep coming back.  This was not my intent for that birdbath.  Today I watched three bees perched on the edge of their birdbath drinking.  It was one of the strangest things I have ever seen.  I would have taken a picture except on impulse I got brave and pushed the whole thing over, bees and all.  They didn’t care for that and let me know by swarming so I ran in the house.  Now that’s scary.