I don’t know if you realize it, but pistachio nuts are very expensive.  I bought one of these big bags at Costco the other day and it set us back over $200.  Technically the nuts only cost $18, but the orthodontic bill was $195.

BIG, OPEN PISTACHIOS are what’s advertised, but nothing is mentioned about what percentage of them is open.  To their credit, I would estimate about 95 percent, which is a great improvement over those sealed shut, red-dyed beauties of days gone by; but somewhere in that five percent as I tried to open a nut, I opened myself up to trouble instead (including four trips to the orthodontist).

I’ve told my kids many times not to use their teeth to open things.  I wish I listened to myself more often, although now I do have concrete proof that I knew what I was talking about.  To sum up, don’t use your teeth to open things and especially don’t if you have a retainer fixed to the back of your upper teeth.  You may end up cracking more than a nut.

I knew right away what a stupid thing I had done.  I am crediting it to temporary insanity or going nuts, if you will.  What is the power of the pistachio that causes me to go to such great lengths for one little nut?  It’s pretty pathetic.  And it’s embarrassing.  The orthodontist will always, always ask how you damaged a retainer that is so securely affixed to your teeth.  I guess my love of pistachios is his bread and butter.