Wild animals and poor spellers are everywhere. Be on alert!

Now that I have your attention, let me highlight some of the stuff we Floridians have to put up with that is going way beyond reptiles and sharks. I’ve mentioned before (for those of you who don’t live here) that we essentially live in a subtropical swamp. Therefore, it’s often humid and hot. Really hot, accompanied by alligators, snakes, and mosquitoes. But that only lasts for six months, after which we return to just plain hot with occasional warm spells and alligators, snakes, and mosquitoes.

This breaks my heart, not the aggressive squirrels, the obvious typo!

My first danger to introduce you to involves squirrels and how to respond to them. Things seem to have gotten out of hand in a local Orlando park. The squirrels are mounting a coup and have gone so far as to change the spelling on a sign to confuse those of us who can read. I think they’re nuts, personally. If I were a squirrel I would have changed the spelling of “squirrel” to throw people off. But that’s just me.  Squirrels and some public officials evidently have tiny brains or poor eyesight. I’m not sure who to blame this typo on – the squirrels or the public official or maybe even the sign painter. Perhaps they are all in cahoots. Seriously though, and this is the public service part of this post, please AVOID contact with squirrels. They have been acting all squirrelly lately and literally jumping on children. It’s nuts.

The second thing to keep an eye out for is ducks. This will shock you, but it appears that the ducks have been getting themselves in a row for a reason. There is a plan afoot, so watch out. In the interest of full disclosure, the only connection I have seen to ducks on the web is their feet. I do know that they poop everywhere, so that’s reason enough to stay out of their path. Who knows – maybe the squirrels are a bad influence on them.

The third problem down here right now has to do with hawks. It’s been nesting time so they are very aggressive and have swooped down right into people’s heads lately. Wear a hat if you have a full head of hair. I haven’t had any problems with them personally except one seems to like my bird bath and he’s kind of a pig about it.

There is one sign down here that I always heed and never question. There is good reason not to feed the alligators. Besides the fact that it’s illegal, those guys aren’t your friends and they have a lot of teeth. If you feed them they look to you as their food source. Not only you either, they look on all of mankind. You don’t want to be responsible for that!

Perfect spelling is essential in warnings regarding alligators – don’t want to leave any loopholes!

When my kids were growing up, there were a couple of boys in the neighborhood who used to go down to the lake and shine gators. They’d take flashlights and shine them on the water and look for the glow of gators’ eyes. The further apart the eyes, the bigger the gator. I thought I’d throw that one in for free. Know where your children are at night because they might be shining gators or in the proximity of crazy squirrels or militant ducks. It’s a subtropical jungle out there.

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