A Short Post

When this is published there will be 38 days until the first day of Autumn. Contrary to excessive advertising bombarding us with all things fall, and considering there are 3 months or approximately 90 days in each of the 4 seasons, I do not think that summer is almost over.

Need calendar proof? If you’d like to countdown with me, there’s a website for that. Check out https://yourcountdown.to/autumn-fall

Living in Florida, I know that summer is far from over, and that’s why something has gotten on my nerves lately.

No, it’s not the great sales on summer clothing and swimsuits. It’s not the heat either. I look at hot days as opportunities to go swimming or to the beach.

It’s a little bit of the back to school hype. Even thought it’s been a long time since I’ve sent kids off to school, I don’t like to be reminded that summer is coming to a close – BECAUSE IT’S NOT! Even when we lived up north, summer was allowed to be in charge until after Labor Day. Autumn had to fall (so to speak) in behind it.

But that’s not the thing that has my dander up today. It’s shorts.

I’m right in there with all you people who like to make fun of pairs of shorts and pairs of pants when you’re talking about a single piece of clothing. It’s all clean fun. And it has been explained why those articles of clothing are referred to in the plural when they are singular in function. That’s fine.

I was in my beloved Costco a few days ago checking out the clothes, when I noticed they did not have any shorts. They had short(s). I don’t even know how to write this, because if I say they had shorts you will fail to understand fully this weird occurrence. Here’s a picture, that should explain it to you.

Shocking! Isn’t it?

I immediately searched the women’s and men’s tables for the historically correct and accepted word “shorts.” I came up short.

My next task was to ask Merriam-Webster. There is no shortage of definitions for the word “short.” A long way down in his definitions it is stated that shorts are knee-length or less trousers – usually in plural. Short drawers.

Whew, I felt better. Until…

 

Yep. All the tags come up short. I mean they are selling short, which of course means we are now dealing with the stock market and I’ll have to ask my financial advisor son to give me a short explanation of this.

I’m going to end this now just in case your attention span is short.

 

Pumpkin Spice Peer Pressure

I took a five-minute walk through Whole Foods and was quickly reminded that it’s that time of year again – Fall in Florida. You might think I would wait outside on a lovely fall day, but it was 93 degrees outside. September was going out with a sizzle. Summer down here lasts easily until after Halloween, so if it weren’t for the plethora of pumpkin product placements, it may have slipped my notice that the season had changed.

A few short years ago, I came to realize that not everyone is pleased as punch over pumpkins. I have a friend who is not just overwhelmed, but annoyed at the things that those poor pumpkins are going through when all they really want to be is pie. Granted, she is in the minority, but she has a voice and she demands to be heard. And isn’t that what we’re all about in today’s world?

I thought about her as I wandered through the store; even I was overwhelmed by pumpkin. Every time I turned around, I was face-to-face with another pumpkin product. I love pumpkin, but at that point, I began to question everything about fall.

What about leaves? Isn’t fall foliage what it’s all about? And apples. Shouldn’t we be buying freshly pressed apple cider? Shouldn’t I be putting raked leaf essence in my coffee instead of pumpkin spice? Have I joined the ranks of pumpkin people without a second thought?

When I returned home I lit my pumpkin spice candle and thought deeply about this. I decided I might as well get my fall decorations out as I was thinking. They included 5 pumpkin spiced candles, a room spray, and various assorted pumpkin and leaf decorations.

It made me cry real tears when I realized that I hadn’t known when to stop. I hadn’t taken into account people like my friend who suffer from PSOD (pumpkin spice overload disorder). Plus, I also had ignored my own eye-irritant disorder, which is triggered by strong candle fragrances such as the ones I unleashed in my own house. Yes, the tears were real.

I’ll have to go on Amazon and see if they have any pumpkin spice lubricant eye drops. I’ll bet they’re out there!

 

 

 

A Plethora of Pumpkins

Now that I’ve written off pistachio nuts as an expensive and dangerous food (see my last post, The Power of the Pistachio), I’ve turned to my favorite fall food infatuation – pumpkin.  It’s everywhere and in everything (and thankfully it’s too soft to break my retainer).

I love to put fall decorations around my house as a clever ruse to trick myself into thinking the weather has changed.  Pumpkins are a big part of that ruse.  Of course I only have to walk to the mailbox to realize it’s still summer like here, but I take what I can get.

Pumpkin Pleasures

I poured myself a cup of coffee with pumpkin spice flavoring in it and then it dawned on me that I am surrounded by plenty of pumpkins.  With that in mind, I made a little contest for myself to see if I could gather ten pumpkins/pumpkin featured items in two minutes.  I was up for the challenge and surpassed my number by four.  Here’s my list:

  1. Basket of pumpkins
  2. Can of pumpkin
  3. Pumpkin shaped tea light holder with pumpkin candle in it
  4. Picture of Mia surrounded by pumpkins
  5. Pumpkin votive holder
  6. Yankee Candle, Pumpkin Patch scent
  7. Pumpkin shaped bowl of candy
  8. Pumpkin shaped bowl of candy again
  9. Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin soap by Bath and Body Works
  10. Pumpkin topped Pez dispenser
  11. Light Yoplait Pumpkin Pie yogurt
  12. Pumpkin muffin
  13. Pumpkin cake
  14. Pumpkin Spice Coffee-Mate

I guess you really could say that I have a plethora of pumpkins.  Go ahead, say it, it’s as much fun to say as it is to eat pumpkin pie (almost).

And if that weren’t enough about pumpkins, this picture of my daughter-in-law in a pumpkin patch picking out a pumpkin reveals that she truly is the perfect wife for my son.  Every year she searches for the perfectly shaped pumpkin and it becomes the butt of many jokes.  Can you see why she fits in our family so well?  I love her sense of humor.

This one’s perfect. It’s a pumpkin, butt…