Amazon is Trying to Ruin My Valentine’s Day

I just returned home from a solo trip to North Carolina where I was visiting my daughter and her family. I wanted to make sure I was home for Valentine’s Day because, well, you know, I had a hair appointment. They are kind of sacred.

Bob and I don’t make a huge, big deal about Valentine’s Day. We blame it on the commercialism and crowds – the 2 Cs. But we do not ignore this holiday. Ignoring it is tantamount to romantic suicide. We feel free to make light of it, but we always recognize it in some way. We’re not stupid! You don’t stay married for over 42 years and not learn a thing or two!

For instance, when I was in North Carolina I ordered something for Bob. Over Amazon. The account which we share. Which means that there are no more real surprises in life!

Of course, I forgot to tell Bob that something was coming. Something that I would like him to set aside without opening, and while he was at it, please keep his eyes off of the Amazon app on his phone – at least the orders section.

My mistake.

So, when I got home last night I noticed the opened gift on his dresser. Of course, he apologized.

It was really no big deal. None at all. But then I got to thinking.

Me: I was wondering why you opened the mysterious package that arrived while I was away.

Bob: It was addressed to me (they all are). I didn’t remember ordering anything so I figured you did.

Me: But why did you open it?

Bob: I wondered what it was.

Me: So, you didn’t think it was for you.

Bob: Right.

Me: Why did you open something that you thought was for me?

Bob: I wanted to find out what it was.

Me: So, it didn’t really matter who it was for, you were opening it.

Bob: Now you understand.

It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic.

So, a big HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY to Bob and to all of you, too. May your day be filled with scintillating conversation.

Flowers from Bob, waiting for me when I got home. He’s so sweet.

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A Sign of a Healthy Valentine’s Day

This is a public service announcement. If you’ve been caught up in the post-holiday clean-up or the crazy cold weather that has invaded the country, then allow me to put you on notice that Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. To be exact, 22 days as of this posting.

As I ponder the sign at the corner Walgreens, I realize it is more important than ever to plan ahead for this day of unleashed romance. This is a night when restaurants set up extra tables and there are long lines at the grocery store as men pick up handfuls of flowers as they head home from work. The card aisles in the stores get picked over so badly that if you are pale like our family, you may have to show the DNA results from Ancestry.com to explain the Mahogany brand being chosen as the best of the remaining three cards.

Sidebar: Yes, I have received the Mahogany brand before, and while the verse was very nice it was unusual to have white-as-white Bob and I being portrayed by a couple of a different race – not that there’s anything wrong with that. Our kids called their dad out on being a last-minute shopper, while Bob said he didn’t know what they were talking about. For the record, I’m sure both sides were telling the truth.

But I’m not hear to warn you about card choices, though I will say it was long overdue for the card industry to recognize that it’s a colorful world out there. I’m here to join with Walgreens and encourage you to get a flu shot or do something equally special for Valentine’s Day like Lysol down the house. Do you know how many germ-infested people have used their disgustingly dirty hands to look through those cards? Some have probably flipped through them while awaiting their prescription for strep, flu, or bubonic plague, while sneezing. And the close quarters at restaurants are a veritable petri dish of influenza. That’s not the kind of culture you’re looking for on Valentine’s Day, that’s for sure.

Thanks, Walgreens! You truly are a caring organization.

In case you’ve been under a rock somewhere, let me inform you that the flu shot takes two weeks to gain efficacy in your body, so you still have a few days to ensure a very special Valentine’s Day. If you’re not an immunizer, you may want to stay under that rock for a few more weeks until flu season passes. Or you could do what Walgreens is really promoting, plan on getting those shots together for Valentine’s Day. Now that’s love!

Valentine’s Day – It’s Not for the Faint of Heart

Did I tell you about Bob and me getting cussed out by popular British singer/songwriter Adele?  It was the culmination of a typical Valentine’s Day.  First we went out to dinner where we were forced to eat inside a loud, crowded restaurant due to our plans for alfresco dining being washed out by heavy rain.  After eating we headed to the parking lot only to witness somebody back into our car and drive off totally oblivious.  (There was no damage, so we just chalked it up to Reason #14 of Why We Don’t Like Going Out on Valentine’s Day.)

Earlier we considered going to see the movie Identity Thief, but on discovering that it has about 50 f-words in it, we decided against it.  So, Bob surprised me with Adele Live at The Royal Albert Hall, thinking we could enjoy a DVD concert at home.  Now, there is a bit of a language barrier between citizens of the U.S. and those of Great Britain, so it took me a few minutes to realize that Adele cusses like a sailor.  We likely would have been less verbally assaulted by going to see Identity Thief.  (This is an example of Reason #48 of Why Valentine’s Day Never Turns Out Like You Plan.)

So, here is a summary of our Valentine’s Day:

  • We ate dinner in a crowded restaurant at a folding table.
  • We couldn’t hear each other talk.
  • Somebody backed into our car.
  • We were cussed out by Adele.

Not the worst Valentine’s Day we ever had!  Next year I think we’ll stay home, order pizza and watch a movie.  Maybe by then Identity Thief will be on TBS.

Let Your Imagination Go Wild on Valentine’s Day

Ella's Valentine Note to GW

Ella’s Valentine Note to GW

I remember when my kids were young what a pain in the neck Valentine’s Day was – all those cards, all that candy! It was worse than Halloween or Easter because you added to it the notion of romantic love, which really should not be pushed on any seven-year old. I always preferred to introduce that concept to my kids when they were well into their twenties.

And, speaking of seven-year-olds, our granddaughter Ella has been preparing her Valentine cards. She is a very loving little girl and made sure not to forget anyone. She went down her list – parents, sisters, her brother Jett, Jett’s imaginary friend. Yes, she included them all.

Jett is four. He is badly outnumbered in his house by his three sisters. Thankfully, he has a very special, though imaginary, friend who is a boy. Jett’s friend is a bit different from most of the imaginary friends that I have heard about. Jett’s friend is a blankee; actually he’s more of a persona. His name is Green Wee. We don’t know why.

Green Wee, or GW for short, is so life-like to Jett that he talks about him as if he were real. He told me one day that Green Wee had his cousin visiting him. Jett was happy for him to have company and wasn’t threatened at all by another imaginary friend in the life of GW.
Sometimes GW disappears. (I guess we all need some alone time.) When that happens the entire household is enlisted on a search and rescue. Usually he hasn’t gone too far (after all, he is a blanket). GW closes himself in the bathroom cabinet when he has to “go.” I suppose his waste is akin to lint – he never puddles on the floor.

Bedtime, of course, is when GW is most needed, and he is the only one that can make Jett feel better if he gets a boo-boo. He is one compassionate blankee so I think it is entirely appropriate that Ella sent him a Valentine. It is extra special when you notice that she took the time to make sure that Green Wee knows that Jett loves him.

When I look at Green Wee, I see a well-used blanket or lint in the dryer. In Jett’s imagination he sees a friend. This challenges me to make sure that I’m not treating my loved ones like dryer lint. And I especially don’t want to be a wet blanket to them.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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